There’s an App for That.

It is amazing how all-consuming smart phones are. Parents regularly ignore their children for extended periods of time while they check and recheck their email. It’s a compulsion that makes no sense unless the goal of parenting is to convince your child that s/he is less important than a $200 handheld computer.

This mom seemed to be checking her text messages, over and over and over again. She would set her iPhone down for about 5 seconds before retrieving it and checking for a text, occasionally an email. Little Johnny looked bored out of his skull. He tried to talk to his mom once or twice, but she wanted nothing to do with it. She prominently held up her iPhone so that it was between them. This went on for about 30 minutes. I’m sure Little Johnny won’t suffer any adverse effects from Mom-of-the-Year’s excellent parenting style.

Mom-of-the-Year checking for yet another text.

Even when her friend arrived, Mom-of-the-Year continued to check for a text or email about every 30 seconds. Seriously, nobody is that important. And no message needs to be read the second it arrives on your phone. Put your phone in your purse or your pocket and talk to the people around you, especially if it’s your child. Your kids will come up with their own reasons to resent you, don’t justify that resentment by being a disengaged bitch.

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Idle Threats are Useless

Kids are shrewd. They know when you mean what you say and when you don’t. For example, these two mothers spent 45 minutes scolding their children for misbehaving, running around, climbing on furniture, and yelling. Each time mom said something to the effect: “If you don’t behave, we’ll have to go home right now!” or “If you can’t quiet down we can’t come out in public again.”

Three moms. Four kids. Pandemonium:

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News flash mom: Nobody believes you! You have no credibility. Soon your children are going to start mocking your half-assed efforts to parent.

Maybe, just maybe, if you can’t start parenting, you shouldn’t come out in public again. Spare us your children and your empty threats.